Bakura Goes Shopping
by waterrain
Summary: Bakura almost burned someone's house to the ground and he is forced to do the shopping for a month.He plans to make Ryou change his mind,but will Ryou change his mind about it? Remember this is a Humor FanFic. Bakura still remains insane, evil, and so on
1. A simple lie

**I do not own Yugioh. This FanFIc is in Bakura's View.**

**Summary: Bakura almost burned someone's house to the ground and now he is forced to do the shopping for a whole month.**

Damn that stupid Ryou just because I nearly burned down someone random person's house I have to do the Ra Damn Shopping for a whole month. I'm too lazy to try and get a house of my own so I'll be stuck with Ryou for a long time. Oh well I'll make it hell for both the workers and shoppers. I bet Ryou is still pissed at me for what happened with Yugi and honestly it was not my fault that he is crappy at finding loop holes. Heck Ryou could have had done the whole Sadist and Masochist sex thing and it would not of broken the rules. I felt like gagging at that image of that happening and I felt ill.

I walked into the store and people stared at me. Some undressing me with their worthless eyes and others glaring at me with such burning hatred which caused a smirk to appear on my lips.

Yes this is the same place where I did my singing and mockery. So everyone that has been here remembers me and enough said on that subject. I saw that damn Pharaoh and his Master Shrimp Yugi. Heh and I just had a wonderful idea.

I stole the hair gel, a thing that straightens people's hair, hair brush, a make-up kit, white bra & panties, green colored eye things and a short white dress with white shoes. I got away with it and I plan to make a big scene maybe it will make the news?

I brushed my hair, straightening it and then put hair gel on my hair so that it will stay down. I put on bright pink lipstick, baby blue eye shadow and light pink blush. I undressed and put on the underclothing stuff. Then I put on the short white dress and the white shoes. I put the green colored eye things on my eyes so that they appear to be green.

I sneakily walked out of the restroom and grabbed an empty shopping cart. I saw that the Pharaoh and the shrimp Yugi are still here. Time to start the action and I walked toward them with the shopping cart.

I decided to yelled out in a very girly voice it make me feel ill, but it will be worth it.

"Yami my love it's wonderful to see you again! Guess what beloved I'm going to have your baby!" I called out shrilly. Yes it was in a highly feminine voice the kind that is very annoying and makes one want to cut the voicebox out with a rusty knife. Yami does not deserve to hear a pleasant girly voice.

"No." Yami stated flatly while having an eyebrow raised.

"Heartless man of mine." I commented with fake sadness.

I ran up and hugged him it takes the Pharaoh by surprise. Of course I kicked him between his legs very hard and he went to the floor of the store wincing.

"Yami how could you have sex with that uncute and unsexy little boy Yugi! Your totally robbing the cradle you asshole! I ought to report you to the police!" I cried out loudly while pointing my index finger at Yami. "You are worthless in my eyes, Yami!"

The crowd of people was watching it as if it was some drama on a Tv Show. I made sure to collect my things and I left to go a different store to shop. I smirked and I got the things on the list. Then I went back to the house that belongs to Ryou and he looked a bit pissed off. I smirked in amusement.

"Whatever is the matter Ryou?" I asked in a very fake sweet tone.

"Well Yami called me and told me what had happened. What was with the whole cross dressing and making a dramatic scene? The people there even called the police on Yami and I had to bail him out." Ryou snapped angrily and his arms were crossed.

"Do I still have to do the shopping Ryou?" I asked calmly and after a moment smirked at him.

"Yes Bakura. Your such a jackass and no you still have to do the shopping." Ryou stated firmly before storming off.

Ryou left and I muttered to myself "Damnit didn't work."

**Please Review and Thank You.**


	2. Sally The Kitten

**I sadly do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. This is in Bakura's view.**

Once again I must go shopping since Ryou used up all of the dish washing soap and we run out of food. Yes I was avoiding the issue of shopping and now I have a lot of stuff to buy plus Ryou refused to go with me. Damn I was going to have him carry it all, but it didn't work out that way. He had yelled something about me having to learn some kind of lesson and stop acting like an ass. I walked and walked then I saw a starving kitten. Yes I had some cat food with and thank Ra no one saw me going the kitten some food or I would have never heard the end of it.

I walked into the store and no sign of the shrimp or the Pharaoh, but I saw Malik and Marik… Shit they saw me and now walking to me with eager grins.

"Stay the hell away from me." I commented to them. I do not want to deal with those morons. They are insane and I can deal with insanity, but these two did not use their damn brain.

Malik pouted in what he thinks in a cute way, but it was just plain creepy and disturbing.

"Hell no Bakura your are my special buddy." Marik said to me happily and he smirked smugly as if to say 'And I'm not going to be ordered around by a pretty face'. I flipped him off and held my head up high.

"No moron, I'm not your special buddy no matter how much you want it to be true just like how Tea will not ever get a hint and just like how Seto will always be a rich bastard." I told him a sharp voice and crossed my arms.

"Oh and we heard from Ryou-" Malik started to say, but I cut him off for it appears little Ryou has become a bit evil while I was away shopping.

"Oh that evil little bitch! Wait a minute… Heh I have tainted him with my evilness. Hmm this is a good thing." I said smugly and before you know it Ryou will stop getting in my way to protect his so called 'Friends'. Marik had the nerve to snicker at me.

"Now we are here to help and Ryou told us that you were on punishment. So we guessed it and he didn't tell us at all." Marik informed me in a flat tone.

"Damnit that is worse and I was hoping Ryou would see the beautiful darkness and evilness!" I yelled out and damn I was looking forward to Ryou stop with the whole 'No, I can't let you harm..My friends'.

I get close to destroying them, but no that little bitch Ryou always has to stop me from 'Harming' his friends. Personally, I always try to Kill them and there is a different between killing & harming. Regardless, Ryou should stop getting in my way with the whole killing of his 'Friends' and stop with the friendship speeches. It makes me sick to my stomach.

"It helped that I had my gang find out info on you from the pissed off shoppers." Malik muttered under his breath, but I heard him.

I was about to yell at him, but I do not want to lose my voice. I decided on the ice cold voice.

"You will pay." I stated coldly to Malik and he actually giggled at me.

"Kinky Kura will there be ropes, chains and handcuff's?" Malik asked cheerfully and he smirked at me before commenting with a glint in those eyes. "I want to tie you up and do many many things to you, Bakura."

I really felt like killing him, but he would enjoy it too much if I choked him to death.

"Malik had coffee and lot's of candy so alas he has the giggles. Poor Malik is a giggle freak like Tea, like some girls and some boys too." Marik informed me.

"I don't care I just want to get this over." I snapped angrily and I personally hate them..Marik and Malik are brainless. They are evil, insane, and so on…However I do not want their lacking of having a damn back-up plan to rub off on me. I enjoy having back-up plans.

I rushed away from those two insane fools without a back-up plan, I managed to get all of the stuff under five minutes, and I roughly pushed a lot of people.

However when I was about to get in line to pay for the stuff then I saw Malik and Marik. Then the shrimp and the Pharaoh plus Tea walked into the store.

Malik and Marik were behind me for no duh kind of reasons just to stare at my sexy as hell ass. So I pushed them and Tea ran over to me call me a jerk. I was tempted to slap her across the face for not adding 'Evil', but then Yugi that damn little shrimp asked me why I pushed Malik and Marik while that Ra damn Pharaoh smirked knowing damn why I did it. He knows how Malik and Marik tend to check out my ass.

"Oh screw you all goody goody tie shoes jackasses." I snapped at them and flipped those worthless fools off.

I put all of the stuff to get scanned and I decided to flirt with the person scanning his name was Kalara.

He was all blushing and junk so I managed to get a big discount after I told him we could go out to eat lunch. Malik and Marik looked pissed off. So afterwards Kalara carried my bags for me and started talking. Hah now I do not have to carry the bags home and I wonder what Ryou will say? Kalara was saying something about wanting a pet kitten and I saw the stray kitten I had feed so I picked it up. The kitten was a girl, I named it Sally and I give the kitten to Kalara.

"If you mistreat Sally I'll know Kalara." I threatened him.

"I will take good care of the kitty sally. Do you want me to buy you lunch?" Kalara said to me in a breathless voice.

Hmm drop off food then go to his house to be away from Ryou for a while heck yeah.

"Hmm we'll have to drop off the stuff then go to your house to put Sally in your home. Afterwards go to lunch then go to get stuff for Sally. After all she is a gift for you Kalara and I'll make sure to visit." I said with false sweetness and he fell for it.

Kalara smiled and turns out Ryou wasn't home. I unlocked the door and put the stuff away. Afterwards went to some food place to have food and fortune cookie.

Kalara's was 'You have met a handsome stranger.'

Mine was 'You will get kissed.'

Hah as if I'll get kissed! What a bunch of-

Kalara kissed me, Damn you fortune cookie, and I will remain calm. I will lie and be able to visit Sally after all Ryou will not let there be another kitten in the house. After all the kitten hisses and bites anyone that is not me.

"I was in a terrible relationship and I'm not ready to be kissed. I'm sorry." I lied and felt no guilt. I enjoy lying, tricking, and completely fooling people.

"No I'm sorry I should have asked you Bakura." Kalara said to me in a kind voice that made my stomach feel ill. I can't stand kindness.

After that Kalara payed the bill, went shopping for Sally The Kitten and went to his house to set it all up. I had my cell on slience mode for good reason and it was because I'm pissed. Kalara gave me his cell number and I walked back home. I saw Ryou looking pissed off and I smirked smugly at him.

"What the hell Bakura! I was so damn worried about you and I found out from Yugi that you just left with a guy! You could of gotten hurt or worse you could of killed the guy or-" Ryou yelled at me, but of course I cut him off.

"His name is Kalara, Sally The Kitten is being cared by him, we had lunch, we shopped for Sally, went to his house and I now have his cell number in my cell phone." I informed him and tilted my head to the side while smirking. "I used my charms instead of other means you should be oh so proud of me, Ryou. I didn't kill anyone today."

"That is so cheap picking someone from the store! First you piss some people off now your flirting with the-" Ryou yelled after he had been gapping at my words.

I decided to finis his sentence in a mocking way "Poor silly blushing people. Now do I still have to do the shopping?"

Ryou yelled at me Yes and it was something about me being a moron plus feeling like a moron for being worried about me. I have turned Ryou into a rather pissed off person rather than an evil one. I have not given up on making him evil so that he will stop screwing up the whole killing/capturing/Etc of his so called 'Friends'.

I just walked away and checked my voice messages.

Twenty-Five new messages and I rolled my eyes. Well Twenty are from Malik and Marik asking where I'm, Why I left with that guy, when will I be back, how they will get that guy and so on. I don't care if they think that man as long as they don't kill Sally.

Three are from Ryou asking where the hell I am at, Why am I not back and going on about how he will yell at me. Two were from the Pharaoh telling me to get back to Ryou because Yugi is worried, That he hates me, That Malik and Marik are following him because they think he knows where I am at and that he will get me.

All of this happened and yet I still must go to the store to do the shopping. Twenty-Eight days left and I will make Ryou do the shopping before time is up after all to me this is a game.

**Please Review and Thank You. There shall be more and if you liked this story so far. Then try my other stories Being not evil is not easy, Being Nice Made Me Die Inside A Little, Bakura's Twisted Songs and 12 Christmas Wishes (Main Character of all of these are Bakura). Then there is Being a jerk made me lose my boyfriend (Main Character is Ryou).**


	3. Pocky

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. This is in Bakura's view**

Once again I must go shopping and this time for some strawberry coated stick called Pocky or something. Also Malik is stalking me with a recorder for an unknown reason and I will crush that damn thing. I noticed the Pharaoh sulking and the shrimp Yugi smiling. I walked over and smirked.

"Hah, No porn for you only the crappy home made ones." I commented to the sulking Pharaoh.

"I told him no treats for him tonight." Yugi informed me.

"So no sex for you from the shrimp." I commented gleefully, laughed, and smirked at the Pharaoh.

"Yugi and I do not have sex moron." The annoying Pharaoh replied sharply and I laughed madly at him.

"Alright, making love, doing the deed, kinky cop game, the mouth only game, role playing madness-" I started to say. But then that damn Pharaoh bitch slapped me and I still laughed for it was funny that he decided to 'Bitch Slap' me instead of throwing a punch. I believe the Pharaoh has been with the goody goodies too long.

Malik punched Pharaoh in the face and one would think 'No way not that really pretty girly looking one', but yes for he is insane and evil so that means no 'Bitch Slap' unless you are just no worth a punch. I decided to bitch slap the Pharaoh for he not worth punching and cackled gleefully. The Pharaoh slapped me, Malik punched him, and I decided to be different by back-handing that damn Pharaoh.

"Take that Pharaoh. You are a whore and I bet almost everyone in Egypt fucked you." I commented and this time that Pharaoh punched me. I cackled, Malik back-handed the Pharaoh, and I have two hands. So I bitch slapped the Pharaoh and Malik.

"Take that sluts." I said gleefully and Malik smirked at me.

"I'll be your slut if you will be my slutty slave for all eternity." Malik commented and he was smirking. "Be my slutty slave, Kura. Marik and I would have tons of fun with you, Bakura."

Yugi gasps and then he starts to call Ryou. What in the name of Ra? You would think he would call the cops dumbass.

I walked away, flipped all three of them off, and bought the damn pocky. Ryou of course was yelling at me like a little bitch. I got him pocky.

"Well that Pharaoh bitch decided to bitch slap me, Of course Malik punched him in the face, and I bought you pocky! Now will you do the stupid shopping! At this rate you'll become a mute! I hope you do Ryou!"

"Bakura, You still have to do the shopping." Ryou stated calmly and he walked away.

"Damnit all it's always me!" I yelled out.

I will win, sooner or later.

**Please Review and Thank You.**


	4. Like

**I do not own Yu-gi-oh. In Bakura's view.**

I once again had to go to that damn store to buy food, but before leaving I had some sake. Now I can pretend to be drunk and tick some people off. I smirked as I walked, but when I walked into the store I pretended to stumble. I saw the Pharaoh and I flipped him off then giggled. Ugh I hate having to pretend to giggle, but it must happen.

"What the hell are you doing?" The lousy Pharaoh asked me with a sharp voice.

"Just fucking with you moron." I replied flatly.

Then Yugi the shrimp showed up and I told him while having a fake smile "Hey, your legs make your hips look thin. HAH cuz your legs are HUGE just like mountains, but worse."

Yugi decided to slap me, the Pharaoh laughed at me, and I was shocked for a moment. I quickly recovered and smirked.

"It's like suppose to not be like an insult. Like totally. Like you're a bitch now. Like even though you're male I like think your a bitch cuz you slapped like my 'pretty face'. So like you're going to pay. Like, Like. Like I so totally like hate you. I hate you bitchy uke Shrimp! Why no like do the like the deed with like that asshole of a Pharaoh." I said in a false sweet as sugar voice.

Yugi and the Pharaoh gapped like fish out of water at me. Personally my mouth was burning from acting like a ditz. Son of a bitch I hope that I will not get into the habit of saying LIKE I do not even like that word... I shoved both of them into a box full of stuffed red shrimp toys and I noticed Malik then told him what to buy. The cost was a kiss…. Hah he never said where that moron never learns.

I saw Malik with the bag of food and blew him an air kiss. Afterwards I quickly swapped the bag of food and left Malik yelling 'I'm such a moron!'. When I got home I saw Ryou looking pissed off and he glared at me.

"Ah so that little bitty Shrimp told on me. The nerve of him." I stated calmly and then smirked smugly to myself.

"Yugi is upset! He thinks his legs are as huge as mountains! Plus he doesn't feel up to it tonight! Whose fault is it? Yours as usual!" Ryou yelled at me and I do believe he is sexually frustrated.

"Ah poor little baby. Oh Honey don't go to bed all fired up." I told him in a mocking voice and tilted my head to the side. "Go get a whore."

"Go to hell! Quit mocking me!" Ryou said loudly and he slapped me across the face.

Second time I got bitch slapped and I didn't even kiss them….Yuck. Ryou slammed his bedroom door shut and I rolled my eyes for after a moment he started crying.

Damn maybe I'll make a total circle? I called Yugi up and he answered 'Hello'. Yep the shrimp voice was horrible and what I'm about to say might give them (Yugi, Ryou, and the Pharaoh) a mini heart attack.

"Hello, Yugi. I find you quite sexy, your legs remind me of the Nile, and that is because they are long plus very slender. Heh, To me your body is a treasure. Yes, It's a true treasure and I should know after all I'm the King of Thieves." I replied in a husky voice.

I heard two thumps, I laughed softly for I knew it must have been Yugi, and the Pharaoh.

"Bye baby cakes." I muttered before ending the call.

I felt like gagging, but I settled for mouth wash, and a long HOT shower for it gave me the creeps. Ryou was banging on the door and he yelled "What the hell Bakura!"

I shut off the water then opened the door. Ryou gapped at me then yelled "Put on a damn towel!"

"No. Are you blushing? Oh my who would of guessed that of you Ryou. I know I'm sexy, but to me you are just too much of a goody goody." I replied causally and tilted my head. "I'm not your bitch or slave or anything. I'm not putting on a towel."

Ryou ignored what I said, but instead started to ask "What did you tell Yugi. Now he says he feels much better and-"

"It's simple the horny shrimp changed his mind. Be happy not moody as a seahorse about to be fried alive. I no longer have to shop. Right Ryou?" I informed him and after a moment smirked smugly. "I did you a favor."

"Heck no Bakura you still do the shopping. Bye." Ryou informed me before walking out, I flipped him off, and he slammed the door shut.

I will not give up getting out of shopping.

**Please Review and Thank You.**


	5. I Have To Go To The CheckOut Line

**I do not own Yu-gi-oh. In Bakura's view.**

I started to do a strip tease, wiggling my sexy body, and smirking.

"Take it off, Bakure." Marik commented gleefully and he was smirking widely at my half-naked body.

"Yeah, Take it all off." Malik said calmly, he was also smirking, and looking at my chest. "I want to see more than your hard pink nipples that I want to pour candle wax on."

"Hell no." I stated flatly and put back my shirt. I noticed Ryou was walking with that annoying little shrimp and the lousy Pharaoh.

"Do you still want me to do the Ra damn shopping?" I asked in an irritated voice.

"Yes." Ryou replied simply and walked away.

I will not ever give up on getting out of shopping.

"So do you want a threesome?" Marik asked me while looking me up and down. Malik was by his side smirking at me.

"With you two…I would rather wish the Pharaoh good luck with…Oh, Ra…No, No, No…I hate that bastard too much to wish have any good luck…I would rather have a threesome with both of you than wish that foolish Pharaoh good luck." I said slowly and then smirked at them. "However, I would rather not have a threesome or wish the lousy Pharaoh good luck nor doing both of those things at the same time. I have to go to the check-out line. Better luck next time."

**Please Review and Thank You.**


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